The Earth’s climate is like a fashionista I dated back when bottoms had bells: it’s constantly changing. Has been for four-and-a-half-billion years. The climate, I mean. The woman in question was 25 when I met her. Speaking of age…
I’m not quite old enough to remember, but I’m reliably informed Austin summers used to be a lot more pleasant. Especially during the last Ice Age, when saber-toothed tigers were eating sloths the size of elephants. So maybe not the best time to hang out by the pool.
Limestone
This was long after Austin lay at the bottom of the Western Interior Seaway. An almost-ocean that stretched from the Gulf of Mexico all the way to the Arctic, bifurcating North America before bifurcation was cool.
Back in the day, trillions of calcareous organisms lived, died, fell to the sea floor and compacted, denying millions of Texans underground tornado shelter.
I don’t think forming limestone was the critters’ intent. With the possible exception of Joe Biden, calcareous organisms aren’t known for having much of an opinion about anything.
But plenty of people do, including President Biden. (Or the people programming his audio-animatronic software.)
For Joe & Co., climate change is the greatest existential threat since global cooling, nuclear war, the population bomb and an extinction-level asteroid strike.
Solved by banning spray deodorant, realizing that one nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day, dating apps and cinematic competition between Bruce Willis and Robert Duvall.
Monica is Hot Under The Collar
Let’s be clear: the Prez and his Progressive peeps are enervated-not-to-say-empowered by human-caused climate change. For good reason, at least as far as Monica AI is concerned. And she is!
The current phase of climate change is largely caused by human activities. The overwhelming consensus among climate scientists is that human actions, particularly since the Industrial Revolution, have significantly contributed to global warming and climate change.
Largely caused by human activities? Monica?
The scientific consensus, as represented by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) and other scientific organizations, is that more than 90% of the observed warming since the mid-20th century is due to human activities…
It's important to note that while natural factors like solar irradiance and volcanic activity also affect the Earth's climate, their contributions to the recent warming trend are minimal compared to the effects of greenhouse gases emitted by human activities.
For context, I asked Perplexity AI how many climate scientists there are soaking-up government grants. Perplexity was perplexed – and upped the consensus on human-caused climate change to 97 to 99.9 percent.
Does point-one-percent equal one person? If so, I bet dollars-to-donuts he/she/they/them isn’t welcome at Greta Thunberg’s Christmas Party.
Hang on. Ms. Thunberg doesn’t believe in God. She professes faith in scientific consensus. I can’t imagine those parties are a lot of fun…
Sex
Anyway, if that’s not enough to make me vote Democrat and toy with a Tesla, I don’t know what is. Actually, I do: sex.
Not with Greta, obviously. While I share her love of Swedish Death metal, she’s somewhere below swans in my list of prospective partners.
If, however, an attractive species- and age-appropriate female made bumping uglies conditional on changing my party affiliation and mode of transport, I’d do both and stop flying my private jet to climate conferences.
I know: that calculation reveals me as a selfish, heartless, tin-foil-hat-wearing deplorable. What climate crisis caterwauls call a “Trump supporter.”
In fact, I’m one of those hold-my-nose-and-vote types who no more denies climate change than the existence of my 10” penis (rounded-up to the nearest 10).
Sermon on the Mount
Like my climate change compadres, I’ve got no time for people who point out that Mount Pinatubo’s 1991 eruption ejected some 20 million tons of sulfur dioxide gas into the stratosphere, cooling global temperatures for two years.
I’m anti-volcano, pro-climate change. I say let’s do whatever it takes to stop China – the global leader in greenhouse gas emissions – from diminishing President Obama’s oceanfront estate.
We must stop The People’s Republic of China from raising its oppressed people’s standard of living to ours, lest they meet or beat our per capita greenhouse gas emissions.
Meanwhile, we should tax the bejesus out of fossil fuels. Then use that cash - and go further into debt - to fund unprofitable green energy projects.
After all, for what shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world and lose one degree centigrade? I mean gain.
At the same time, we should join with our allies worldwide to enact legislation forcing each and every company on planet earth to switch to clean energy, no matter what the cost to consumers of heat, light, electricity and mobility.
And stop slaughtering the several billion flatulent cows, sheep and pigs adding to our climate woes. Let’s feed the world with semi-oxymoronic Impossible Meat.
I See Nothing Wrong…
with any of that. Save maybe all of it. But, as Dracula said to glue-sniffing vampire hunters, the stakes are high.
It’s human comfort vs. planetary misery. Assuming Mother Earth gives a damn. I asked! She answered (once the ‘shrooms kicked-in).
You think this is bad? You should’ve been here at the beginning, when it was 3,680 degrees. Call me Paris Hilton, but that’s hot!
It settled down to 80 for a few hundred million years or so after that. Your climate mavens call it Hadean Earth. You want hell? Try listening to techtonic plates fighting for a billion years…
As Sgt. Schultz would say, as you probably figured out by now, I know nothing!
I put as much rational thought into my support for climate change as I do my love life. No points for guessing which one of those is the more avoidable catastrophe. At least in theory.
Yesterday I spotted a headline for an interview with a guy talking about "fake, invisible catastrophes." I admit I didn't watch it, but I recalled that label because it matches up with my own analysis of the "climate change" narrative. I have a hard time thinking of a single term to describe it. Hoax? Scam? Con? There is a lot of information available that describes how it was set up and managed by what we can loosely call global elites. I have to give them credit for coming up with a beautiful moneymaking scheme. Climate has always changed and always will, so why not use that to make some money? Here in Washington State, the legislature imposed a carbon tax on our natural gas bills that took effect in January. Our bill had a $50 tax added. There is also a carbon tax of about 40 cents a gallon on motor fuels. You know that massive money stream is going to get diverted into the pockets of politicians and their cronies. They only have to use a tiny percentage to pay off the so called "climate scientists" and "journalists" who help keep the con going. It will go down in history as one of the biggest cons of all time. I wonder how long they can keep it going?
On point AND amusing!