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  • Robert Farago

A Woman Needs a Man Like…

A fish needs a bicycle?

“Women went out, we made money, we became successful and the men became intimidated and resentful of it.” That’s the 411 from Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger, via Wait. Does Ms. Stanger make matches for millionaires or is she a millionaire?

Both! After eight seasons on Bravo, ahead of her new series on the CW, Ms. Stanger’s LA-based Millionaire’s Club matchmaking service is making bank.

The Club costs $45k a year for the Bronze package, up to $120k for the Platinum. Patti’s personal attention requires an additional $175k, plus expenses.

For those who can’t afford the freight, the Millionaire’s Club Prez has written several bestselling books, including Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate.

Bottom line? pegs the former TV personality’s net worth at $6m.

The Current State of Play

So, when Ms. Stanger claims that men resent successful women who’ve made money, she’s speaking from both professional and, one assumes, personal experience.

Yes this conclusion comes from an LA-based alpha with a reality TV public persona. But according to a 2022 LendingTree study, Ms. Stanger ain’t just whistling Dixie. Just eight percent of men want a relationship with a woman who makes more money than they do.

Which is one, maybe even the main reason why Ms. Stanger’s down with the feminist trope that men are angry at women achieving equality in a patriarchal system.

Women don’t have men coming and taking and paying our bills and going to take care of us and buy a house and put babies in us. It doesn’t work that way anymore.

Yeah they do. Yeah it does.

A recent Pew Research Center survey tells us that “traditional” male breadwinning household arrangements are still a thing.

In 29% of marriages today, both spouses earn about the same amount of money. Just over half (55%) of marriages today have a husband who is the primary or sole breadwinner and 16% have a breadwinner wife.

Again, one could surmise that Ms. Stanger’s personal and business experience with high net worth individuals – not to mention her need to cater to the left-wing media upon which her business depends – skews her perspective.

It Takes Two to Tango

Diving deeper into the data, LendingTree’s survey says just 30 percent of women want their partner to make more money than they do. “Want” not “need,” but point taken.

That’s wonderful. Generosity of spirit equaling open-mindedness on income. Resenting that equation seems both churlish and sexist. But…

Financial disparity can be an issue for a financially successful woman seeking romance. The more she earns, the smaller her dating pool.

Let’s run the numbers for female millionaires like Ms. Stanger…

According to Wikipedia, 1.1 percent of U.S. adults (I make that 2.8m out of 258m) have a net worth over $1m. About a third of them are women.

If these women chase a mate of at least equal net worth, that’s just under one women for every three men. Only not.

Remember: just eight percent of men want a woman who makes more money than they do. And 30 percent of female millionaires want a higher earning male mate.

Using those stats we get around 300k female millionaires seeking a mate amongst a pool of roughly 160k male millionaires. That’s a ratio of 15:8. Roughly two-to-one.

I know: lies, damn lies and statistics. These dating pool calculations are muddied by those pesky words “want” and “more.” Not to mention all the other variables that create or reduce attraction.

Resentment or Preference?

As far as this white high net worth male can tell, men who don’t want to a relationship with a higher earning female don’t resent them. The men simply prefer to be the breadwinner.

You could say this “traditional” preference is the patriarchy personified, but I couldn’t possibly comment. Except to say this…

Some men resent successful women. Rightly or wrongly, generally or specifically, they believe women receive greater career opportunities by dint of their gender, rather than their abilities and/or accomplishments.

What percentage of men hold this opinion is unknown. But there it is. There’s also flip side to this male resentment.

If a successful woman has an unsatisfactory dating life, fishing in a pool of disinterested or uncommitted males, they might be tempted to blame mens’ attitude towards their success rather than non-financial factors.

If so, Ms. Stanger and those who ascribe to her analysis could well be guilty of projection. Resenting the sacrifices they made to achieve their romantically unrewarded success. (Ducks.)

Be that as it may, society has come a long way in terms of income equality and mens’ willingness – practical need? – to “swallow their pride” and celebrate and enjoy their female partner’s success.

As feminist Anubha Saxena reminds us, “Dreams don’t come with a gender tag.”

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