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  • Robert Farago

Sean Connery in the Next James Bond Movie!

Or not

The next James Bond movie will star Sean Connery as James Bond. Danjaq and MGM – co-owners of the Bond franchise – have received permission from Connery’s estate to digitally resurrect the actor in de-aged form and immerse him in brand new spy-jinks.

Working title Commander Bond, the movie will be a genesis story chronicling the British icon’s journey from the Royal Navy to Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

The producers have drafted veteran screenwriter Dalton Trumbo to pen the tale of Commander Bond’s derring-do. Trumbo says the roots story was the only logical way to make a compelling “new” Bond movie.

“Spying in our time is all about computers and drones… With facial recognition, Bond can’t pass himself off as anything other than an MI6 operative. The time has come to recognize that modern James Bond is a dead-end.”

The door is wide open to an original origin story. In the Bond books, author Ian Fleming didn’t say much about the British spy’s history.

Fleming references Bond's service in the Navy several times, particularly his experience in underwater demolition and handling explosives. Beyond that, Fleming provides sporadic details of Bond's early life and background.

If the lackluster Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny can pit the grave-robbing archeologist against Nazis – again – Connery’s Bond as a Nazi fighter will find greater favor. Imagine Sean Connery as James Bond on an underwater mission to destroy a Nazi cruiser.

It won’t be Thunderball, but that movie didn’t have depth charges. Or Nazis! Which reminds me… Who’s the Bond-requisite criminal mastermind who wants to rule the world? Adolph Hitler!

Common sense says Commander Bond’s main villain will be a lower level sadistic racist fascist, but that’s a feature, not a bug. Can Bond speak German, to do some behind-the-lines spycraft? Hey, it’s a movie! And AI is ready.

One thing’s for sure: Bond won’t smoke. My main question: will Bond girls be a throwback?

Early Bond girls are about as politically correct as a gas-powered Hummer (so to speak). Bond’s bedding techniques, the very fact the CIS gender secret agent dips his wick in any babe who gets within grabbing distance, may also be a bridge too far for Commander Bond’s writers.

A pre-woman’s lib liberated woman fighting against sexist officers, maybe even dissing Bond’s libido before doing the horizontal mambo? Bring it on!

Think Marion from Raiders of the Lost Ark. There are plenty of comely actresses capable of inserting modern sensibilities into a historical figure.

Bonus! With a de-aged Connery, we won’t have to worry about the age gap that caused clucking tongues in some of the later Bond movies.

By the same token, Hollywood’s obsession with diversity is no problem. While people of color faced unconscionable discrimination in the Royal Navy, an estimated 20k served at sea during World War II.

Who’d complain if a black backed Bond’s mission, especially if he proves critical to its success?

It’s highly unlikely a diverse cast would qualify Commander Bond for an Oscar. Especially as the lead actor is dead. How great is that? Not as great as Commander Bond will be.

“James Bond’s future is in his past,” Trumbo asserts. “With Sean Connery playing a young naval commander, the franchise will return to its roots as a good-old fashioned tongue-in-cheek romp.'“

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