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“A man staring at a beautiful woman and not harassing her is cause for praise in 2023,” nypost.com reports. The Post bases its conclusion on the reaction to a viral video by influencer Barbara Gambatesa. The money shot? A man in the background looks at her with lust in his heart – and leaves.
If the video was on Netflix, they’d warn viewers it contains smoking. If it was on thechive.com, it would warn users that Ms. Gambatesa is smoking hot. Talking about it here, it’s a smoking gun in the battle of the sexes.
That post has amassed over 27 million views, and the comment section is filled with people gushing over the anonymous man for not approaching the woman and making a nuisance of himself.
Bottom line: it would have been wrong for cigarette man to approach Ms. Gambatesa.
Not because of the cancer stick. Because men who approach women in public are a “nuisance.” Unwelcome. Creepy! Unless… the woman deems him attractive. In which case, game on!
Evolutionary Biology FTW
An entirely natural state of affairs. Men are happy to lower their standards to hook-up. Women always want the highest possible value mate (looks, smarts, money, etc). Except when… nope. Not going there.
The red light/green light dichotomy is evolutionary biology in action/inaction. A man can have many children by many women. A woman can produce relatively few babies from relatively few men. Her stakes are much higher.
Don’t Look Now!
Natural yes, but approaching a woman in public with romance/sex in mind is now seen as sexist. Even looking at a prospective partner is a transgression.
Psychologist Carly Dober said that celebrating this kind of behavior is a huge problem and enforces the kind of culture that has this wrong idea that women owe men something. “Culturally, some men still also think that women wearing particular clothes or presenting themselves in certain ways still demands attention from the opposite sex. This is still something that needs to change.”
Men feel women “owe them something”? Has Ms. Dober ever met a man?
From their earliest stirrings, men know they have to earn a woman’s attention. A process that takes years of discipline, introspection, competition, trial-and-error and money – with absolutely no guarantee of success.
As for the idea that men think an attractive woman dressed in revealing clothes is demanding male attention, define “demanding.” Does it include the phrase “a logical and reasonable expectation”? Should do.
Pickup Artists Need Not Apply
As Ms. Dober’s quote indicates, women’s response to public pick-up attempts has changed.
Once upon a time, many if not most women were flattered by respectful male attention in public (i.e., no cat-calls or wolf whistles). They now view a “cold approach” as an assault.
Men who “strike out” in pubic face scorn, fear and a public tongue lashing (not the good kind). Maybe even a stern word or a ban from a supermarket manager, bartender, barista, bookstore owner, etc.
The result? Men have stopped trying to pick-up women in public. mystateline.com:
A study published on DatePsychology reports that almost 50% of young men between the ages of 18-25 said they have never approached women for dates in person. “In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
Suffer the little children! The ones who won’t be born because of pickupageddon and Dating App Disasterland.
Speaking of fictional non-amusement parks, Jurassic Park gives up hope for the future. As Dr. Ian Malcolm professed, life finds a way. Meanwhile, the movie gives guys who get shot down a two-word comeback: clever girl!